Review: The Spy Next Door

Starring: Jackie Chan

Caught this recently and I must say that this was mediocre. As a fan of Oriental movies (even those produced by Golden Harvest) I have to give this movie my thumbs down.

The story revolves around Jackie Chan playing the role of Bob. A mild mannered Chinese guy engaged to his next door neighbor. The plot moves on after his retirement from the secret agent business in order to prepare for his engagement. Hilarity (or lack thereof) ensues when his girlfriend leaves him in charge with her kids and their pets. Bob must now learn how to deal and cope with these kids and understand their wants and needs. He also fends for the kids and his life when Bob is targetted by a group of (uncool) Russian criminals.

Jackie Chan is Jackie Chan. No matter what happens he will always be great in wacky kung fu antics and for inspiring the Tekken character Lei Wu Long. But his performance his was kindaaaa dry. For crying out loud he had to wear glasses just to look meek. But check out his other non-Hollywood movies and you’ll know that Jackie Chan without the glasses still looks meek and mild mannered. So the glasses was a bad call.

Some of the cast where forgettable, however, Enzo did spot the guy who played Taylor Swift’s boyfriend for the music video “You Belong To Me”. He played the role of Larry. And who could forget the little girl who initially wanted to become a princess but later wanted to be a cyborg? She was awfully cute.

We were having dinner when we watched this and we barely moved on past the fact that the movie reminded us so much of Vin Diesel’s cute but often frowned upon “The Pacifier”. We even managed to substitute the boy’s role as that of the boy who played the Nazi in the Sound of Music over in the Pacifier. Nods or not, comparisons to that movie can never be helped.

Overall, I would recommend just getting the movie on DVD instead.

Review: Sherlock Holmes (2009)

Starring: Robert Downey Jr. Rachel McAdams, Jude Law
Director: Guy Ritchie

This Guy Ritchie flick was a great movie. RDJ shined through and through as the eccentric detective Sherlock Holmes. While Jude Law plays the role of his backup/ Brock Samson who is also a medical doctor and a war veteran.

These two are hot on the case of Lord Blackwood, which also happens to be their last case together as partners. Blackwood's sudden "ressurection" after his public hanging brings these two blokes back together again as they face unsurmountable odds and bring the baddie to justice.

From the very beginning of the movie, you'll know that it's going to be action packed. Again, seeing Jude Law playing Watson brought a certain sense of badassery for Gigolo Joe. RDJ's Holmes was brilliant. I'm putting him up there now together with Johnny Depp as brilliant actors that can play whoever and get away it with.

Mark Strong's Lord Blackwood did not strike me as creepy. He did strike me as annoying with his oblique front tooth and everything. The shadowy Professor Moriarty who hires Irene Adler (Rachel McAdams) is certainly more appealing to me.

The ending to the movie also seemed a bit like the final scene to EVERY Scooby Doo episode I've ever seen. I was actually waiting for Blackwood to utter "I was going to get away with it if not for these pesky, meddling kids". But sadly, he didnt.

I also admire Ritchie's tense attention to detail with regards to the locations and the Industrial revolution-esque setting. It was gritty and it was dirty, something that the Sherlock Holmes stuff that has been loitering the four corners of the media forgot already.

If anything, the movie definitely uncovered another side of Sherlock Holmes that us literature buffs have completely forgotten. That the England that Holmes and Watson lived in wasnt the clean and affluent London but rather the dirty and putrid London that Sweeney Todd lived in.

And as far as I'm concerned, the movie also reminded me that Sherlock Holmes wasnt just a man wearing a silly hat and smoking a pipe regalling his exploits by the fireplace. This was the crazy, one-track minded guy that "plays violin at 3 am in the morning" and does crazy things to nab the bad guy.

Finally, I LOVED the dialogue where Holmes was analyzing the guys he was taking down.

And I quote:

"[first lines] Holmes: First point of attack, right ear. Two, throat, to muffle his scream. Three, cracked ribs. Four, sweep under right knee. In summary: neutralized. Chance of recovery: small."

Ingenious!

I cannot resist. Here's another quote.

[in a bare-knuckle boxing match, Holmes sees Irene and tries to forfeit and leave]
Sherlock Holmes: You've won, congratulations.
Big Man: I'm not done yet!
[He spits at the back of Holmes's head. Holmes stops]
Sherlock Holmes: [voice-over] This must register on an emotional level...
[in slow motion]
Sherlock Holmes: First, distract target...
[Holmes flicks a handerchief in front of his opponent's face]
Sherlock Holmes: Then block his blind jab...
[Holmes does]
Sherlock Holmes: Counter with cross to left cheek...
[Holmes does]
Sherlock Holmes: Discombobulate...
[Holmes claps his hands over his opponent's ears]
Sherlock Holmes: Dazed, will attempt wild haymaker. Weaken right jaw...
[Holmes blocks the haymaker and cracks his opponent's jaw with his elbow]
Sherlock Holmes: Now fracture...
[a cross to the jaw fractures the bone]
Sherlock Holmes: Break cracked ribs...
[a body blow cracks his ribs]
Sherlock Holmes: Heel kick to diaphragm...
[Holmes finishes with a heel kick to his opponent's chest, sending him crashing out of the cage]
Sherlock Holmes: In summary: ears ringing, jaw fractured, three ribs cracked, four broken, diaphragm haemmorraging. Physical recovery: six weeks. Full psychological recovery: six months. Capacity to spit at back of head: neutralized.
[Back in real time, Holmes picks up the handkerchief, as though wiping the back of his neck, then does all of the foregoing in about six seconds, and knocks his opponent out of the cage]

(Thanks to IMDB for that)

My rating? Watch it.

Review: Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs

The "sub-zero heroes" are back for their third outing in glorious CGI. And unlike other sequels wherein one or more artists leave for one reason or another, its good to see that everybody's back.

Manny and the rest of his unlikely herd have finally settled in their new place together with the other mammals. Manny and Ellie are soon to be parents. Diego the sabertooth is losing his sharpness while Sid the sloth, is, well, still that bumbling idiot we all love.

The trouble begins when Sid stumbles upon three dino eggs underground. He brings it up to the surface and raises the dinos as his own. Even becoming their surrogate "mother". Later, the real dino mama retrieves the babies with Sid in tow and it is up to the herd of Manny, Ellie, Crash, Eddy and Diego to rescue Sid before its too late.

The animation is good, the punchlines are still there although it does lack a certain oomph that was seen in the very first CGI movie. The dialogues are still funny with the addition of Simon Peg as "Buck".

All in all, its a great date movie and a great family movie.

RATING: